Tuesday, January 11, 2011
This is the.. Heartbreak Hotel!
Hope you are all well this week!
So, my blog this week is all about breaking up! What is it about the new year that makes people want to end their relationships? Ok, I understand new year, new start but really, do people just want to have fun?
In the past two weeks, six friends of mine have broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Obviously, as the worlds best agony aunt/advice giver, they have all come to talk to me. I love that my friends come to me for help or advice and I love that I can listen and help.
Sometimes, there actually is not a lot you can say to some one. Yes, you may have been dumped or ended a relationship in the past so understand what they are thinking or feeling, but everybody deals with things in their own ways. Some people will have the positive attitude and think "F**K it" and get on with life and move on, others will have a cry, shed the odd tear here and there and be done and some will lock them selves in their room with depressing music and Ben and Jerrys. One friend of mine has just wanted to party and have fun, another will not socialise.
A friend of mine asked what she should say to another friend of ours when she got dumped by her boyfriend. Considering she had no idea what to say as she had never been in the position and is not good with words, I advised her to just 'be there.' Sometimes, you don't want to hear "well there's plenty more fish in the sea" or "its his loss you amazing!" You probably are amazing and yeah, it probably is his loss but sometimes, just be there. Sometimes all we want in our friends is their shoulder to cry on, their hand to hold or their sleeve to wipe our nose on.
So, should you talk to your "ex" after you have broken up? Some people will want to stay friends and if you can do that, then that is awesome. Sometimes, it is best not to speak, but obviously depends on the situation. One friend of mine who is living in Heartbreak Hotel has not heard from her "ex" a week on. After a break up this is normal. All she wants to do is phone him or text him. He hurt her though so I advised her not to, which she has not and now she is doing great. She is realising things that she didn't whilst in the relationship and now knows that being out of it is better than being in it.. Time to check out of HH! Another friend, the day after he broke up with his girlfriend, he phoned her asking for advice on clothes to buy. They knew they are better off as friends so that has worked out great for them. They can still be best friends and do everything together still without being in the relationship.
What if your "ex" is being horrible or on the other hand wants you back? These are two things I have seen. Sometimes, it may have been you ending the relationship and in some cases, your other half disliked that and went around slagging you off afterwards and saying they ended it and will say horrible things about you, mainly because they are angry with the way things have ended, but remember, if that happens,it is not your fault that they have become bitter and cannot accept things, but don't hate them, always remember your good times. No need to hate. Always be the bigger person. On the other hand there is the case of if they wanna get back with you. Some will say, it did not work first time round so why will it second time? Well, in my opinion it really depends on the situation. If it was ended because you both were not sure or not ready and you miss eachother that much, then go for it. I'm one for second chances. If your partner hurt you, made you cry, made you miserable or anything along that line and then wants you back, tell them to bore off! Clearly, that one is done.
Now, what if you just really miss them? Well, this is the biggest feeling you will have after a break up. Lets be honest, when you are in a relationship, your partner is the one person that is basically EVERYTHING. You hear a song on the radio and it makes you think of them, you smell a certain smell and you think of them, you eat a certain food and think ah this was their favourite. You come home from a bad day at work and you just want them there to cuddle. I know all of these feelings. Sometimes, yeah it does suck to feel all of that but then surely when feeling that, know that you can feel, and it was real and it was great!
I hope whilst reading this, you smiled and maybe it helped!
If you have any questions or comment, please comment below. You can also email me email@example.com or twitter @IlanaVak
Little Miss V..x