Sunday, July 1, 2012

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We are young..

The sun was shining So I invited a friend of mine round to join me in a sunbathing session in my garden. I made us a jug of cold lemon and mint juice, got the oil out and put on the tunes.

During our lengthy chat about work and our newest boy-toys we started to reminisce about our youth. Back to the times at a school party where you would dance with a boy but obviously be about four steps apart and just about reach his shoulders. Or your first kiss at an 'evening in.' Or the activities that took place without your parents knowing.

The giggling took over me when I started to remember the things that went on at the evenings in I attended. My first one was the last day of year 6! It was at my friend Mel's house. I was 11 years old, but already felt way older than I was. I shared my first ever kiss with Dean. Dean was the boy all the girls at school loved when he moved to our school in year 4 from South Africa and he was my first kiss. Such a dreamy boy. Such an awful kiss. The mix of gherkins and salt and vinegar in our mouths is a taste that will linger with me for years to come.

At my next evening in at age 12, I ended up in the toilet snogging Daniel whilst he touched my boobies (at that age they are called boobies!) I will never forget the way he held on to them (and by them I mean I had full on B cup breasts.) The way he grabbed them and pushed them around was as if he was honking a horn. At 12, he already had the horn. Or maybe that was me. Spin the bottle was always a popular game. Always a lot of fun until the spotty minger of the group spins you and you HAVE to kiss him. I will never forget one boy that I was made to kiss. I remember trying to back out but my friends telling me I was a bitch if I didn't kiss him. Maybe that's where my bitch tendencies started?! Anywho, I was leaning in and from the corner of my eye saw a pus spot by his mouth and gagged in his face. After that night, I could not look him in the eye, or spot, at school.

By the time I reached year 8 (12,13 years old) I had attended many an evening in. One I will always remember was at Dean's (my first kiss) house. Everyone was there and there were lots of snacks and drinks out and of course, all the girls dressed to impress (aka bandana tops and flared trousers) oh braided hair thanks to Sarah! Half an hour into the evening, I was blindfolded (always knew I was kinky) and all the boys lined up and had to in turn, kiss me. They each had a number and I had to chose who was the best. Sorry, who even made up this game? Well, I wasn't bothered. At the age of 13 I had kissed all the hotties in my school. Go me.

The phase of an evening in soon ended and my best friend Vicky and I would tell our mums we were having dinner with friends but really we were getting on a tube with our fake ID's to Kings Cross to go to a fun bar called backpackers. We would drink vodka and get put on the "dentist chair" which was pushed back and you were fed shots through a tube! It was there I met my first boyfriend Ollie and Vicky went out with his best friend Tom. We would get the tube to Highgate where they lived to hang out with them. I will never forget telling Vicky that I hated the way Ollie kissed and that I thought Tom was hot and wanted to swap! (swingers at aged 14!)

At the age of 15, I went out with my sister to a night club in Central London. It was a celebrity party too and I met Raghav and Jay Sean! I was way too cool to attend such childish house events anymore. I was hanging out with the rich and famous!

If only our mothers knew then what we were up to... Oh how fun it was to be young..

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Wanna sit on my Face(book) while I suck your Tweet?

 I am a massive fan of social networking sites. If you are reading this blog, it is most likely that it was passed to you through a friend on Facebook or someone you follow on Twitter. It is great to meet new people online and hear about new brands or restaurants etc, but one thing I cannot seem to comprehend is the amount of followers I have on Twitter that also follow girls who get naked and post pictures.

I will be going through my timeline on Twitter when all of a sudden I will see a ReTweet from a bloke of a girl’s tits or vagina. Like yesterday, there were a few that came up with the caption #TittyTuesday. Ok, I know we have #FF (follow Friday) where you can find new people to follow but now we have #MingeMonday, #TittyTuesday, #WankingWednesday, #TittyThursday, #FuckingFriday. So you can image the types of pictures I have seen. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind seeing pictures of the occasional tits or cock but flipping heck, it is becoming more and more visual.

Take Chelsea Ferguson (@ChelsFergo on Twitter) she has over 100,000 followers and why?? Because all she does it tweet pictures of her tits and naked body. I have checked out her pictures and ye, I won’t lie, they aren’t that bad but nothing special at all. She has fake tits and an average body. So pictures of her tits got her 100,000 followers? This is something I just do not understand. Today she tweeted pictures of her bum with a thong on. Do guys truly find that exciting??

I actually tweeted Chelsea who then replied to me with the stupidest comment I have ever received. She called me.. dum dum drum roll please… ‘a jealous hater!’ HAHA! Yes Chelsea, I am a hater. I have drunk two litres of Haterade today. I hate on you because you tweet naked pictures. I am jealous. I wish I was you. Bore off. If I wanted to upload pictures of my tits or minge, I would, but that’s not my thing, (I send them privately haha!) If tweeting naked pictures of yourself brings you satisfaction and makes you happy, go for it. If knowing random, old men are bashing one out in their workplace toilets because you tweeted your tits makes you feel proud, you continue. I bet their mothers are so proud!

Where have the days gone where men would go to a shop and pick up a copy of FHM or Nuts or Zoo and have a wank over the middle page girl or the page 3 girl in the Sun newspaper. Jodie Marsh and Jordan both got famous that way and got PAID! So I am sure their mothers were happy when they were rolling down the hill to the bank.

These girls get nothing from it but followers. I decided to put the titty pic to the test. I tweeted a picture of my cleavage with hash tags of #cleavage #tits #naked #boobs and I received ten new followers who all started sending me dirty messages. One guy messaged me saying “your tits are the bun my dick is the hot dog, I wanna slide it in between!” I instantly threw up in my mouth. Bleurgh. Did he honestly think I was going to get turned on by his message? I replied with a kind “thank you.” Creeped out majorly.

I looked at conversations between these horny mongrels online to find that some of them were having what is known to our generation as “cyber sex.” Here is a conversation I read between two people tweeting. (I won’t use their real twitter names but her name is Tina and his is Frank.)
Frank: That picture you uploaded of your pussy made me so hard baby.
Tina: Ummm baby I am happy you are getting hard for me.. Can I do anything else for you?
Frank: Baby I want you here.. I want you to sit on my juicy fat cock.
Tina: I am imagining it now, I am so wet for you.
Frank: I am going to make you explode around me baby.
Tina: I’m nearly there gorgeous.. ummm just imagining now.
Frank: Keep going. Harder. Ride me.
Tina: Harder harder harder. Wow. I’m done. Thanks baby!

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, one moment, I cannot stop laughing. Well done Frank. You made a girl cum in 8 sentences. You must be so proud. So while Frank is 45 and sitting on his ass in his flat on the dole doing nothing, Tina is at work in her office where she works as a receptionist. As you are probably aware, Tina is basically tweeting the same thing to 2000 other followers for some kicks knowing men like her, while Frank was blatently having a proper wank. Good times!

There are some things in this world worth sharing, like a job promotion or a new baby or even how much you love your partner, but come on people, stop sharing pictures of your vagina which hangs lower than the dusty curtains in your nans flat! Honestly, I saw a picture yesterday of @XamberX8807X vagina with the quote “Hello Kitty,” I thought I was going to see a Hello Kitty purse or bag or an actual cat. Instead what I viewed instead has scarred me for life. It was a picture of her vagina and never in my life did I think one could look like that. It was like a fish’s inside had come out in a shark accident. Check it out. Or don’t. I still feel sick.

One picture that I saw which actually blinded me (and literally could if you are not careful) was the penis of @MakeMeHard12. Girls, that takes two. If you see any pictures worth sharing or funny stories let me know by tweeting me @LittleMissVak or email me,

Have a nice day dolls!

Little Miss V..xx

PS, big shout out to Dash, who has read all of my blogs since 2009 in 2 days!! LEDGE!!

Monday, May 7, 2012

..and ended with a kiss!

My Sunday began by waking up at my best friends house after a drunken night on the town. A trip around Covent Garden and Mayfair and then to a strip club was how my night panned out avec beer, shots and cocktails. As you can imagine, I woke up feeling quite fragile and wanting to curl up on the sofa watching recorded Britain's Got Talent and numerous episodes of Nothing To Declare.

Luckily, I was able to do this for a few hours until my meet up with Nathan. Why I arranged to see him on a Sunday afternoon was beyond me but oh well, no point cancelling now. So, bubble bath done, there I was in my bath towel applying my make up when I get a text from him.. "Really looking forward to seeing you babe!" ORITEEEEEEE steady on love. Has this boy taken a trip to the high mountains of China and become a monk or something? This is not the Nathan I know and remember. I simply reply, "See you soon doll."

 A little while later I am driving to meet him and actually feeling a bit nervous. Now I am not one to get nervous about things but for some reason, I feel on edge about seeing Nathan. The way he seems to have changed is slightly worrying. So I arrive at the pub we were meeting at and there he is, gorgeous as ever. Sitting in the corner wearing jeans and a white tshirt, muscles protruding and his blue eyes shining, I instantly smile. My insides are going crazy. OH MY GOSH, why do I have butterflies?
I walk over to Nathan and he embraces me with a massive hug and kiss on my cheek and tells me how well I look. I sit down and he goes over to the bar to get us some drinks. He comes back with the large glass of Rose I ordered (thought I might need wine to get through this) and sits down and smiles at me. Once again he tells me how good I look and we start talking. I make him aware that I was shocked to recieve his message of missing me and wanting to meet him. Thought that I would bring it up straight away, no need to beat around this hollybush!

"In all honesty babe, you have always been the girl I think about. Even when I have been in relationships in the last year, I have missed you and wanted you to call me or text me even if you were drunk, but just so I knew you were thinking of me. Why haven't you called me?"
As you can imagine, him saying this had two effects on me. Firstly, my mouth dropped. I was shocked. He thinks about me all the time?! WHAT?! Secondly, the butterflies in my stomach have turned into moths and are biting my intestines, or so it feels.

"I haven't called you Nathan because after what happened on our last encounter actually embarassed me and I didn't hear from you. You know what I am like, I move on and get over things quickly, so after you didn't get in contact, I thought our little thing was done!" Phew, I have said it, well done me, ok quick, down some more wine before he continues.

"After that incident, you didn't call me on a drunken night out for ages so I thought you found someone new and didn't want me anymore. Then I had a girlfriend, actually two in a row but that's all ended now. I have missed you!" I am glad I gulped that wine before he said that. Ok, so here I am, sat in total confusion. I take another sip of wine, finish my glass, ask him what he wants to drink and I head to the bar to get us drinks. I needed to step away for a moment to think about what he just said. I return to our table and resume the conversation.

"Nathan, all we ever wanted from eachother was a late night, drunken session. Neither of us ever felt more, neither of us ever wanted more. It was fun, we had banter, but why do you still think of me? Clearly your latest girls haven't had nice cupcakes!"

"No babe, your wrong" he replied.

"Someone has a nicer cupcake than me?!" He laughed.

"No, your cupcake rocked my world. I meant you were wrong in the fact that neither of us wanted more. I wanted more, but I had a feeling you didn't so I never persued anything in the fear of a knockback from you!" I think I am dreaming. Nathan wanted more from me. He still thinks about me. He missed my cupcake and wanted more, or so that is what I am thinking. But I don't like him like that. I wouldn't want anything from him. My cheeks have just flushed a beetroot sort of colour!

"So you let your pride come first?! Wow, your a pussy Nathan!" Oh geez, did I actually just say that? Damn you wine giving me word vomit. His face was full of shock, and he replied..

"Your humour has never failed to amuse me. Let's get out of here, go for a drive!"

Nathan is calling the shots and I don't seem to mind. He has completely dodged the pussy comment, which I suppose I am happy about, that could have got ugly. We get into his car and we are driving down a country lane. For once, the sun is shining in London and its nice to have the window open with a cool breeze blowing onto my face. He parks up by a field, gets out of the car and opens my door. I look at him puzzled. "Yes, I know how to be a gentleman" he replied to my puzzle look face.

He has taken me to what would be known to most as a 'view point' but it is day time and the doggers are asleep. He takes hold of my hand and we go for a walk. I let him hold my hand, like it is natural, like he is my boyfriend. I don't pull away. Oh great, the moths are back and I think they have some worm friends. Our conversation continues and he is making me laugh. I am giggling like a school girl. He stops walking, lets go of my hand, looks at me and hugs me.

"I have something I need to tell you." Oh gosh, please don't tell me you want me. Please don't tell me you want to resume our fling. Please just say you want to be my friend or something.. This is what is going through my head.

"Go on babe, what's up?"

"I know our relationship before was basically built on sex and having a laugh, but I feel like you are such an honest person and I just know I can tell you anything.."

"OK NATHAN! Are you ok?!"

"I'm.... well, I think, ummm, well I am, ummmm.. I'm gay!" I burst out laughing. Not exactly the reaction he was looking for.

"Are you for real Nath?!"

"Yes. Well, I only realised a few months back. I have had one relationship recently with a man but as it is all so new to me, I stopped it. I was scared. I don't know if I like girls anymore. So thats why I have brought you here. I need you to nosh me off, or have sex with me. It was always great when it happened, so I need your help to make me realise!!"


"Doll, I do not know where that cock has been. Actually, I do. Up some mans asshole. So no, that is not going in my mouth! You can't actually expect I was going to do it. Ha, you haven't changed, well not completely!!" I said this whole sentence whilst giggling.

"Was worth a try hey! Thank you for listening though. Please don't tell anyone, only a few people know. I can't have this being public knowledge, just yet."

"Your secret is safe with me. Wanna drop me back to my car now?"

"Sure" he replied.

So we drive back to the original pub we met at where my car is parked. We discuss loads of things about his new relationship with a man and how it all started and came to him etc. It was really nice chatting as this was something we never did. We arrive at the pub, I get out of his car and he gets out too. He grabs my face, kisses me tightly on the lips and says thank you. I smile at him and get into my car. As I am about to drive off he is waving at me.
I shout out my window to him, "always remember me when you eat cupcakes" and I winked at him and drove off...

Thursday, April 26, 2012

It started with a text..

So while I’m sat at home, signed off of work with laryngitis, watching back to back episodes of all my online programmes and chowing on twenty pounds worth of Sushi, I ponder over a text message I received at 10.45am this morning..

“Hey babe, we haven’t spoken in a while. How’s it hanging?”

I look at this message from Nathan and laugh. Firstly, I have just woken up and he is asking me how it’s hanging. More like I should be asking him how HE is hanging (long and gorgeous from what I remember.) Second, why is he saying we haven’t spoken in a while? The last thing Nathan and I do is speak. You see, Nathan and I have always had one of those relationships where speaking was the last thing we needed (unless it is a text to make arrangements.)

 I would be fast asleep on a Friday night and I would get a text message at 5am saying “where you at?” Now we all know what one of those messages means. BOOTY CALL! Unfortunately for him, I would be sleeping, lucky for his right hand however.

Saturday night would come and I would be out partying with the girls. Few drinks down me and BAM I am as confident as a coconut falling from the tree to make love to the sand. Phone out, get my text on.. “Nathan, I am drunk, where are you?” A reply instantly would be “coming to pick you up from wherever you are babe!” or “in town partying, lets meet halfway?!” or something of the sort, but whatever the case, he would always want to see me.

Next thing you know, he has picked me up in his BMW or I am meeting him via a cab (or a tuk tuk) halfway. We would either end up back at his, in a hotel room or staying in his car to have a bit of a drunken session.

Some of you may be thinking, why would I go meet him when all he is after was a late night rendezvous?! Reason being, was because that is all I ever wanted from Nathan too. So to be getting a text message from him at before midday baffles me.

I simply reply (a few hours later) saying, “Hey hun I am well thanks, how’s all with you?”

Within two minutes he responds with, “Yeah I am good thanks. Do you wanna meet up for a coffee at some point?”

 Hold on a second, I haven’t spoken/seen Nathan for maybe a year or even longer, simply because our last encounter went horribly wrong and I have been too embarrassed to speak to him (basically I noshed him off whilst wearing red lipstick and being horribly drunk and I thought I had cut his penis and screamed to him that it was bleeding. No it wasn’t. It was my lipstick. You can imagine the horror!) So now he is asking me out. Hold on, is he asking me out? Is that like a date? The texts I am used to from Nathan were things like, “there is a party in my pants, do you want to join?” or “I miss your cupcake!” (cupcake is code for vagina, yes, he used to call my vagina a cupcake!) Not do you want to meet for coffee!!

Twenty minutes pass and I reply saying, “Coffee? Since when do me and you meet for coffee? Do you mean coffee and ‘cupcake’ or just coffee?”

He replies, “Wow I have missed your sense of humour. No cupcake, just yet. Just coffee and to see you, I guess I have missed you. Are you free Saturday?”

 Oi vey! Has it come to this? Does he really miss me and want to see me and not just eat cupcake? Well, I most certainly cannot see him Saturday. It is Thursday already and EVERY girl knows the rule. If a guy wants to see you on the weekend and it is after Wednesday, you have to prolong it.

 I reply, “Really busy this weekend, one eve next week work?”

 He replies “sure babe, will call you on the weekend, look forward to seeing you.”

 I have no idea as to why he all of a sudden, over a year later has come back with interest, but I will keep you all updated!

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..xx

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Sex in the..

A friend of mine and I were talking over a glass of wine (ok a couple) the other night about the funnest or most adventurous places where we have had sex. We were having a right giggle over this and then started thinking of some other places where you can do it..
Obviously, the bedroom can get a bit boring so I have come up with a list of some weird and wonderful places where you may have tried or may want to try...

1) In the car
Most of you reading this will have probably had some form of intimicy in a car. Whether a quick kiss, nosh or sex, it is an easy place to do it. Most people would think to go lie down on the back seats, well let me tell you, this might actually be the least comfortable way if you are going to have sex. If you are somewhere that you can open the doors so your legs can hang out or it's a big car, you will be fine, however if you are in your average size car (polo, punto, golf etc) your best bet is to stay in the front. Girls, get your man in the passenger seat, put the chair back and straddle him. If you find it uncomfortable here, the middle seat in the back is also a good place to do this style.
Tip: Always keep tissues and baby wipes in the car, you never know where you may need to get stains out of and also, do not go to a place where police may stop you! This happened to me once and honestly, I have never been more embarrased in my life!

2) On the beach
Ok for most of us living in cities nowhere near a beach this may be hard, but if you have not yet had sex on the beach, next time you are on holiday you must try it. Sex on the beach sounds so hot and romantic, doesn't it? It's so popular they even named a drink after it.Well, they also called a drink a 'slippery nipple' but thats besides the point. As anyone who's ever had sex on the beach probably already knows, if you're not extremely careful you're going to discover what it feels like to exfoliate areas of your body that don't need to be exfoliated. SOTB can be really romantic at sunset gazing into eachothers eyes so I highly reccomend doing it.
Tip: From experience, your best bet is doing it on a towel or sun lounger because having sand up an area where it shouldn't be, can get highly irritating!

3) The woods/ a field
Whether its going for a weekend get away to go camping or you fancy just stopping in the middle of nowhere and getting out the car for a quick sesh, a bang in the woods can be quite fun. An ex partner of mine and I did this once. After driving around aimlessly for an hour, we passed a field and decided to stop and explore. After a short while, it wasn't the field that was being explored anymore but our sexual desires. We had a great time but after a while of being there, it started to get dark and we could not find our way back to the car.
If you are in a country that has bears in woods, I suggest you do not engage in sexual activity. Studies have found that bears are attracted to the scent of sexual activities. So unless you want Yogi knocking on your tent, I suggest it's your legs you need to seal tight, more than your food.
Tip: Always keep a torch with you!

4) Hotel Room
Sometimes you want it to be simple with comfort. Having sex in yours or his bedroom can get boring and a new scenery is what you want. If so, go to a hotel room. Book in for the night. Take some scented candles with you and maybe even some body oils. The great thing about getting a room for the night is that you can make the biggest muddle and get nasty all night long, without having to worry about the mess the next morning, after all, it isn't your sheets you are staining!
Tip: Do not let him book a Travelodge.. only cheap whores go there.. If you are on a budget, at least make it a Premier Inn.

5) In the shower/ hot tub
I am sure you all know that normal size bath tubs are big enough for just one of you. However, showering with your partner will always get steamy. Take turns lathering each other up and teasing yourselves into a frenzy before going all the way.
If you have a hot tub, do it there. The roominess that a hot tub provides, as well as that vibrating jet streaming action, will ultimately make you and your partner lose yourselves in the moment,
Have two, warm fluffy towels handy — or one big one that you can wrap yourselves in — to keep the comfy after-sex buzz going.
Tip: Try not to do it in the jacuzzi in your local gym. People can easily catch you (which yes is a thrill) and also, nobody wants to be going into that after and find your jizz lingering within the bubbles!!

6) On a plane
How many of you have always wanted to join the mile high club? I have. It is the ultimate fantasy. However, I can just about fit my ass into the plane toilet. Unless you are quite petite, or love it doggy or anal, you haven't got much chance. It is actually now illegal to have sex in a plane toilet and you can be arrested if caught.
Tip: Do not let the air stewardess catch you!

7) Sauna/ Steam Room
What makes sex in a sauna or steam room so absolutely, incredibly, mind-blowingly amazing? How about the fact that because you're blocking some oxygen from getting to the brain, our senses become heightened and so every thrust, lick and bite is felt in an exaggerated manner. I once got frisky in a steam room and let me tell you, it was amazing. The thrill of knowing someone could come in at any moment was incredible in itself but the heat and warmth together was also amazing.
Tip: Always keep a bottle of water with you, we don't want one of you fainting!

8) Swimming pool
For those too lazy to get to the beach or too fearful of an incident involving jellyfish and sand, there's the semi-thrill of sex in a swimming pool. Ironically, water sex can actually dry up your natural lubrication, so can actually be a bit hard when inserting. You can however buy a silicone based lube which is usually waterproof and this will help.
Tip: Do not do it in a family hotel when there are kids around swimming underwater with their goggles on!

9) In the kitchen
You know when you watch a film and they barge through the front door kissing, clothes come flying off and they end up on the kitchen table and instantly start having sex.. yeah, you are imagining it.. well, it is rare that it happens like that. Take my friend for example (the one who had this conversation with me in the first place!) Her and her boyfriend got very drunk one night, got into a taxi and back to his place. Keys in the door, they started kissing and getting really turned on. Like the movies, the clothes were flying off and she jumped on him and wrapped her legs around his waist. He then sat her down on the kitchen worktop, forgetting they had been baking together earlier on in the day. She started screaming and not out of pleasure, but pain. He had sat her down on the spatula they used to pick up the cookies from the baking tray. Put it this way, the spatula entered her like nothing she had felt before! Trying not to ruin the moment, he picked her up and lied her on the kitchen table and he got on top of her. He did not know that she had picked the spatula up and as he was banging away, she started spanking him with it. She told me they even had a flour fight after, which ended up having another session in the shower!
Tip: Do not leave kitchen goods lying around!

10) On the floor
This may sound boring but you can actually make it interesting. Unlike a bed, the floor is hard so yes you are more likely to get carpet burns but may find it easier to have your partner deeper inside of you. If you have a fireplace, lying on a nice rug infront of the fire ca be really romantic.
Tip: Do not get to near to the fire, you don't want a burnt ass!

I hope you enjoyed reading this and if you have any comments you can leave them below or tweet me, @LittleMissVak or email
Facebook me at

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..x

Thursday, March 15, 2012

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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Phone Sex..

Yesterday, I watched a programme on channel 4 called "My Phone Sex Secrets." It was basically about these women of different ages and backgrounds working in the phone sex industry.

Phone sex (according to wikipedia) is a type of virtual sex that refers to sexually explicit conversation via telephone, especially when at least one of the participants masturbates or engages in sexual fantasy. Phone sex conversation may take many forms, including (but not limited to): guided, sexual sounds, narrated, and enacted suggestions; sexual anecdotes and confessions; candid expression of sexual feelings or love and or discussion of very personal and sensitive sexual topics.

Phone sex exists both in the context of intimate relationships (e.g., among distanced lovers), and as a commercial transaction between a paying customer and a paid professional.

I found the programme quite amusing to be honest. One woman, Jenny Ainslie-Turner gives a rare insight into the tricks used by the women who chat to punters on premium rate sex lines. The programme showed her painting her kitchen while on a call to a man. He was having a wank one side of the phone while she is painting her kitchen wall and saying "can you hear how wet I am?" whilst dipping her brush in the paint. This lady Jenny claims for different calls, she will act as different people. If a man wants to hear an older lady, she will be a 70 year old called Mabel, or to be a teenager she calls herself Elaina. She claims some callers even get aroused by discussing Coronation Street. WOW.
I can imagine it now. "Think about Roy, and his buttered rolls. Ummm are you spreading the butter? Would you like a cup of tea with that? Oooohhh Betty has a steaming hot pot."
The most she has made in a days work was £550. I say work, it is not really work is it?

Lying on your bed, talking dirty and getting paid. Actually an ideal day, no?

One girl in the programme I found to be rather strange. She exercises a lot, does yoga, eats raw foods and nothing that came from an animal and then during a shopping trip buying her veg, she is talking filth! "You can be my toilet paper, I will save money on toilet paper, you can lick it out my ass!"
Umm, was I the only one who gagged at that comment?

Another girl, Marni, only 19 years old found that doing this job she was making herself lots of money which was the main reason she did it. By doing this job, she was able to buy herself a flat and enroll herself into university, something she never thought she would be able to do because of the cost of the tuition. Marni likes the dominatrix side of phone sex. Whenever someone phones her she will act as the mistress and the caller is the slave. One man wanted him to "piss on her" so she ran the tap and made a few noises et voila, he had cum, and the conversation ended.

Obviously, there are a lot of guys out there that call these lines to have a quick chat, get turned on, bash one out and continue with everyday life.

It isn't just sex lines where men pay that are being used. It happens everyday. Either you, or your friend, or someone you know, will participate in a phone sex call. I will freely admit, I have done it. Twice. The first time, I didn't know what to say. The guy knew what he was doing and was really imagining it, you could tell. I was actually put off by him by how he was groaning over the phone. I tried to talk back, but the right words would not come out right. The second guy was a guy I was seeing. He turned me on beyond belief. Everytime I would see him, our chemistry was amazing. When I wasn't with him and wanted to be, we both knew that a cheeky phone call would work.
Having good phone sex is like giving a good blow job. You need to be prepared and know what your doing. Obviously you have to be in the mood before you talk.

Don't be shy to have phone sex. I think it is something all couples should engage in, especially when apart. When in person you are happy to explore eachothers bodies freely, so on the phone you can be racier and say things that you may never actually do, but know it will turn the other person on.

I have come up with some tips that you can use before engaging in a phone sex conversation.

1) Dim the lights, read a dirty novel with a glass of wine and then when you start to get turned on, start playing with yourself.
2) A simple phrase such as, "I wish you were in bed with me now," will get your partners mind wandering and already start wanting you.
3) Girls, this one will really work on your man, tell him how you are undressing, explicitly. Paint a picture for him and it will make him wish he was there.
4) If dirty talk isn't your thing, don't try too hard. Don't act like the porn star from the porno you both watched the other week. Be yourself. Maybe your partner is good at it. If so, let them take the lead and just moan and groan when it feels right.

As a job, I won't deny that I am quite interested to try it out. I reckon I would make a lot of money. :)

Let me know your thoughts..

Little Miss V..x

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

ek main aur ekk tu

ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
 ek main aur ekk tu
ek main aur ekk tu

Monday, February 27, 2012

Live Sex Show!

Sitting in the second row (not out of choice) at a LIVE Casa Rosso sex show in Amsterdam, I look around to see the other types of people viewing the show I am about to see. Old men, A LOT of Chinese men, girls on a hen do, men on a stag do and other average folk, like me. There are about 100 people all sat in this one dingy theatre about to view the same show. Basically, watching porn, but LIVE!

The first act to grace the stage are a black couple. They start kissing and fondling eachother. He is already naked and she is wearing a little thong and heels. He takes off her thong and there they both are, nude to an audience of 100 people. The first thing I notice is the size of his penis and I wonder how he is going to get that into her as she is quite small. Anywho, they start having sex to one song then the song changes and wham bam thank you mam, about 50% of the men in this place have just jizzed their pants! The song "Just in case" (remix) by Jaheim is playing. To anybody who knows the song, you know the beat. Well, imagine this couple banging to it. 10 seconds in one position, then he has her lifted up, 10 seconds later she is sat on his cock, then he is on his knees while she is in an upside down bridge postition. Whilst watching, I wonder firstly if that is even physically possible?! He makes sure throughout their act that he lovingly kisses her (apparently all the couples performing are actual couples in real life.) Act no 1 = Decent!

They finish their alloted time slot and choreographed act and the curtains close. Two minutes later, act number 2 appears. This is a woman I would say in her 40's with a decent body but a face that would make you want to paper bag her. She is wearing a black leather bikini. She hops across the stage back and forth with some "sexy" dance moves. To me, it was far from sexy and I actually started dozing off. I open my eyes and she is now naked and pulling beads out of her vagina. BORING. Are you telling me I just spent 30 quid to watch a middle aged woman pull beads from her vagina? It better get better than this. Act no 2 = Boring! Off she trots and next is another couple.

He has long hair tied up in a ponytail and has a variety of tattoos over his body. She is average looking, looks a bit like a blow up doll to be honest. After thinking she looks like a blow up doll, she is now being treated like one. This guy is pounding her harder than a Mcdonalds worker pounding on the meat. Sitting two rows from the front not only can your hear them if they talk, but you can hear the smacking of their bodies and genitals together. It is obvious that a spank on the ass is code for change position. Everytime the guy slaps the girls ass, she moves. I look at her face and she genuinely looks like she is in pain. He is throwing her around as if she is a rag doll. He is biting his lip with pride, she is biting her arm in pain. Very uncomfortable to watch. Act no 3 = RAPIST alert!

Off they go, and on comes the cigar smoking girl. She looks young, maybe early 20's and is wearing an awful wig. She dances around the stage up and forth like the previous dancer. After boring us for two minutes (and me thinking nothing but how much I want to give her a nice wig) she takes a cigar and starts smoking it. Then she is on the floor, lying down and in goes the cigar to her vagina. She lifts her body up, breathes in and puffffffff comes a cloud of smoke. She just smoked a cigar through her vagina. The audience gasped and clapped. She then carries on for another two minutes which by this time, has got boring and no one cares any more. Another boring one to watch. Act no 4 = Repetative!

Next thing we hear is the pink panther theme tune and gracing us with her presence is a very beautiful woman in a bra and tiny panties covered by pink fur. Down from the ceiling comes a pole and off comes her fur. She treats us to a pole dance and I have to say, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was incredible. I can imagine every guy in this theatre had a boner. Act no 5 = HOT!

Couple number 3 come to the stage and he is already licking her vagina as the curtains open. This was their main thing. Oral. He also liked to lick his fingers after having them up her minge. I won't lie, as I watched her nosh him off I couldn't help but notice her gag when she deep throated. I don't think many people noticed this. Clearly I was paying too much attention. Any way, as they got on to having sex, my friend and I just started having our own conversation as they bored us to death. Act no 6 = Finger Licking..OK!

OH BANANA OH BANANA.. Here comes act no 2 again, the middle aged bag face woman. This time for the banana show. She once again does a little dance and then comes down to the audience where she looks for some volunteers. They don't know what they are getting themselves into. Up she goes back to the stage with three girls who are on a Hen do and one guy (who was really hot!) They all have a dance and then she lies down, puts a banana (still in its skin) inside her vagina and then starts to unpeel it. She calls each of her volunteers seperately and makes them take a bite of her banana. As the guy (who is the last one) goes to bite it, she holds his head down there. He was in his elemant. A dancing Gorilla with a large plastic penis comes to the stage too and pretends to be wanking off. As he does this, water sprays accross the audience making it look as if he has jizzed. Act no 7 = Put off banana split for life

NEEEENAAAWWWWW NEEEENAAAWWWW on comes a policeman. Amen. A tall, hench black man in his uniform is on stage. All the girls in the audience are cheering. Like the Banana woman, he comes down intot the audience to find a suspect. He then gets a girl up on stage who is the 'Hen' on her hen do with her girls. He makes her take his clothes off, rub cream into his bum and then puts her hands on his penis. He lifts her up and tries to grind with her. She is not having any of it. His thong (yes he was wearing a thong) rips off and he is as flacid as a dead man. FAIL. Act no 8 = Arrest the girl for her lame effort!

Next we have another couple. She is quite pretty and he is less than average looking with an ok body but has moobs. You can tell these two are a couple simply from the way he is making love to her. That's right, they aren't having pounding, dirty sex but he seems to be enjoying making love to her slowly. The look on her face is not as morbid as the other girls. They looked bored or in pain, this one seems to be enjoying it. Maybe she is just a good actress because to be honest, how can you enjoy having sex for 4 minutes every hour for about 8 hours!? Act no 9 = Sweet Love!

Last but not least, we have Little Miss Long Hair. Another girl probably in her early 20's. Dancing around on the stage like banana woman and cigar pussy puffer, she then lay a towel on the stage and gets out two dildos. One she puts in her vagina and one in her ass and then starts playing with it. She was quite hot I will admit that, but if I wanted to see someone play with a dildo, I could just look in the mirror. Act no 10 = major fail.

So all in all, I could say I enjoyed 2 or 3 of the acts. I would however urge people to go and see the show when they are in Amsterdam as it is a great experience and something everyone should see. Put it on your bucket list people.

Friday, February 24, 2012