Monday, February 27, 2012
Live Sex Show!
Sitting in the second row (not out of choice) at a LIVE Casa Rosso sex show in Amsterdam, I look around to see the other types of people viewing the show I am about to see. Old men, A LOT of Chinese men, girls on a hen do, men on a stag do and other average folk, like me. There are about 100 people all sat in this one dingy theatre about to view the same show. Basically, watching porn, but LIVE!
The first act to grace the stage are a black couple. They start kissing and fondling eachother. He is already naked and she is wearing a little thong and heels. He takes off her thong and there they both are, nude to an audience of 100 people. The first thing I notice is the size of his penis and I wonder how he is going to get that into her as she is quite small. Anywho, they start having sex to one song then the song changes and wham bam thank you mam, about 50% of the men in this place have just jizzed their pants! The song "Just in case" (remix) by Jaheim is playing. To anybody who knows the song, you know the beat. Well, imagine this couple banging to it. 10 seconds in one position, then he has her lifted up, 10 seconds later she is sat on his cock, then he is on his knees while she is in an upside down bridge postition. Whilst watching, I wonder firstly if that is even physically possible?! He makes sure throughout their act that he lovingly kisses her (apparently all the couples performing are actual couples in real life.) Act no 1 = Decent!
They finish their alloted time slot and choreographed act and the curtains close. Two minutes later, act number 2 appears. This is a woman I would say in her 40's with a decent body but a face that would make you want to paper bag her. She is wearing a black leather bikini. She hops across the stage back and forth with some "sexy" dance moves. To me, it was far from sexy and I actually started dozing off. I open my eyes and she is now naked and pulling beads out of her vagina. BORING. Are you telling me I just spent 30 quid to watch a middle aged woman pull beads from her vagina? It better get better than this. Act no 2 = Boring! Off she trots and next is another couple.
He has long hair tied up in a ponytail and has a variety of tattoos over his body. She is average looking, looks a bit like a blow up doll to be honest. After thinking she looks like a blow up doll, she is now being treated like one. This guy is pounding her harder than a Mcdonalds worker pounding on the meat. Sitting two rows from the front not only can your hear them if they talk, but you can hear the smacking of their bodies and genitals together. It is obvious that a spank on the ass is code for change position. Everytime the guy slaps the girls ass, she moves. I look at her face and she genuinely looks like she is in pain. He is throwing her around as if she is a rag doll. He is biting his lip with pride, she is biting her arm in pain. Very uncomfortable to watch. Act no 3 = RAPIST alert!
Off they go, and on comes the cigar smoking girl. She looks young, maybe early 20's and is wearing an awful wig. She dances around the stage up and forth like the previous dancer. After boring us for two minutes (and me thinking nothing but how much I want to give her a nice wig) she takes a cigar and starts smoking it. Then she is on the floor, lying down and in goes the cigar to her vagina. She lifts her body up, breathes in and puffffffff comes a cloud of smoke. She just smoked a cigar through her vagina. The audience gasped and clapped. She then carries on for another two minutes which by this time, has got boring and no one cares any more. Another boring one to watch. Act no 4 = Repetative!
Next thing we hear is the pink panther theme tune and gracing us with her presence is a very beautiful woman in a bra and tiny panties covered by pink fur. Down from the ceiling comes a pole and off comes her fur. She treats us to a pole dance and I have to say, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was incredible. I can imagine every guy in this theatre had a boner. Act no 5 = HOT!
Couple number 3 come to the stage and he is already licking her vagina as the curtains open. This was their main thing. Oral. He also liked to lick his fingers after having them up her minge. I won't lie, as I watched her nosh him off I couldn't help but notice her gag when she deep throated. I don't think many people noticed this. Clearly I was paying too much attention. Any way, as they got on to having sex, my friend and I just started having our own conversation as they bored us to death. Act no 6 = Finger Licking..OK!
OH BANANA OH BANANA.. Here comes act no 2 again, the middle aged bag face woman. This time for the banana show. She once again does a little dance and then comes down to the audience where she looks for some volunteers. They don't know what they are getting themselves into. Up she goes back to the stage with three girls who are on a Hen do and one guy (who was really hot!) They all have a dance and then she lies down, puts a banana (still in its skin) inside her vagina and then starts to unpeel it. She calls each of her volunteers seperately and makes them take a bite of her banana. As the guy (who is the last one) goes to bite it, she holds his head down there. He was in his elemant. A dancing Gorilla with a large plastic penis comes to the stage too and pretends to be wanking off. As he does this, water sprays accross the audience making it look as if he has jizzed. Act no 7 = Put off banana split for life
NEEEENAAAWWWWW NEEEENAAAWWWW on comes a policeman. Amen. A tall, hench black man in his uniform is on stage. All the girls in the audience are cheering. Like the Banana woman, he comes down intot the audience to find a suspect. He then gets a girl up on stage who is the 'Hen' on her hen do with her girls. He makes her take his clothes off, rub cream into his bum and then puts her hands on his penis. He lifts her up and tries to grind with her. She is not having any of it. His thong (yes he was wearing a thong) rips off and he is as flacid as a dead man. FAIL. Act no 8 = Arrest the girl for her lame effort!
Next we have another couple. She is quite pretty and he is less than average looking with an ok body but has moobs. You can tell these two are a couple simply from the way he is making love to her. That's right, they aren't having pounding, dirty sex but he seems to be enjoying making love to her slowly. The look on her face is not as morbid as the other girls. They looked bored or in pain, this one seems to be enjoying it. Maybe she is just a good actress because to be honest, how can you enjoy having sex for 4 minutes every hour for about 8 hours!? Act no 9 = Sweet Love!
Last but not least, we have Little Miss Long Hair. Another girl probably in her early 20's. Dancing around on the stage like banana woman and cigar pussy puffer, she then lay a towel on the stage and gets out two dildos. One she puts in her vagina and one in her ass and then starts playing with it. She was quite hot I will admit that, but if I wanted to see someone play with a dildo, I could just look in the mirror. Act no 10 = major fail.
So all in all, I could say I enjoyed 2 or 3 of the acts. I would however urge people to go and see the show when they are in Amsterdam as it is a great experience and something everyone should see. Put it on your bucket list people.